Catching Up to the Present (Part 2)

After my son was born, the years went by. At some point life just takes over. The usual day to day nonsense with a husband and three kids, a baby at home, one in elementary school another starting middle school. Like everyone else, you fall into a routine. Time goes by. I started working from home so I was able to take care of the kids and the house and still earn money to pay my bills. That was great news for my husband, this way I was always home. He loved that part.

As all of this time was passing, I didn’t see or speak to my ex. Not for a long time. It was the most time that had ever passed without us contacting each other. I had no idea if he got married, started a family or moved out of state. I lost contact with many of my friends from the neighborhood so I really had no one to ask how he was or where he was. Don’t get me wrong, over the years I tried to look him up online but I was never able to find out any information. It was like he didn’t exist.

In 2008, I had started using Facebook. It was new (to adults at least) and my main focus was to find family members I had lost touch with and to start keeping in contact with them again. That summer, all of a sudden Facebook went ballistic. Everyone started signing up…friend requests were flying around like crazy. Before I knew it, I was in contact with a group of my childhood friends. We started talking online on a daily basis. It was awesome. It was as if none of us had skipped a beat. We reminisced about everything under the sun. And then…the mention of a reunion. I was anxious but excited to see these people again. I didn’t want to get too attached that one or more may want to start talking on the phone and then my husband would start asking questions. I didn’t even tell him I was on the website because I knew the harassment that would ensue. He never really “forbid” me from doing things, dinner with friends, etc. He would just slowly start with me over nonsense until I said – forget it I’m not going. After one or two times doing that I could see right through his game. So I stopped forfeiting.

That summer, we had our reunion. I was with a few people who lived in my ex’s building and I knew there was a good possibility I’d be in contact with him before the weekend was over. However, I could not just bring him up. No one knew the way my life turned out and I was not about to get into it over drinks after not seeing people for 20 years. It’s possible people may have heard stories in the past at the very beginning but no one would ever say anything to me.

All was going well and before the night was over my Ex’s best friend brought him up. He told me I broke his heart and that he never got over me. Of course, I already knew that. We had seen each other many times since our break up but our friend had NO idea about that. We spoke a little about him and I said how I still loved him and would love to see him and speak to him. It had been almost eight years since the last time we saw each other. The next day, I had his number and we were on the phone speaking like no time passed. Cue the butterflies. Somehow the sound of his voice always put me at ease.

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10 thoughts on “Catching Up to the Present (Part 2)

    • My Love for this man started long before the torment that became my life. If I had to start from scratch I’d probably opt to be alone. I couldn’t imagine ever being able to trust a brand new person. I believe it’s possible though. Don’t stress over it and don’t go looking for it. When the time and person is right…love will find you. Be hopeful.

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      • In the early days when he was extremely violent I feared for my life. He threatened to hunts me down, kill my family, etc. and I believed him. So my thought was if I stayed I could control the situation from within enemy lines. If I took my daughter away from him it could get even worse. I did leave twice, but I believed him when he said he was sorry and would try harder not to act the way he did.

        I decided long ago that I would stay until my child(ren) turned 18. This way I could teach them right from wrong and make sure they would be capable of being independent when they went out on their own. I didn’t want to drag them into hiding if I left and if my husband threatened the things he did if only I left imagine if I took his kids from him.

        Now, he had his time with his kids two of them are over 18 – waiting on the third and then I’m out. They can choose to have a relationship with him after that. Once I’m gone, I want there to be no reason for him to contact me.

        Thankfully, things are less physical and mostly of the psychological game play. He likes to throw tantrums every other day. He’s very much the attention seeker.

        Let me just say…I DO NOT CONDONE THIS CHOICE. I would never tell another woman to stay in an abusive situation whether it be verbal or physical. It’s not worth the emotional turmoil. Plus, today the topic is a lot more open and there is much more help out there then when I started this journey.

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