Let’s Talk About Sex

Well, at some point it was going to come down to this.  I am nothing if not honest and brutally honest at that.  Mostly because I don’t care and also because what do I gain by not telling the complete truth – or something that at least borders the complete truth.  There is only one person in my life that knows everything so I guess I need to hold back at least a little something from the rest of you.  We’ll see.

Here we go.

As a woman who has lived with domestic violence since the age of 17, which for most of the female world coincides with a blossoming libido, what is one to do?  If you’ve been reading the story as I’ve been laying it out there for you, you must know by now my husband was not my first. Neither was my Ex (although he should’ve been).  No, I started young. Younger, I should say because let’s face it 17 is pretty damn young in today’s day and age.  However, in the 80’s, mid teenagedom was just about right. At least for my group of friends and honestly for most of the people I knew in the neighborhood.  Even as we became adults and reminisced about our youth and “first time” we were not that far apart from each other when we started. It seems no one really waited until they were out of their teens much less waited for marriage.  Point being, I sewed some oats.

In case you are not familiar with my story, my husband was a (22 year old) virgin when I started dating him.  Nothing is wrong with that at all, in fact it was surprising in a good way.  It just didn’t fit his bad boy persona so that was the only reason that it seemed odd.  After two months of dating we finally took the big step and after seven months of dating I was pregnant.  In that time frame, he also started to hit me.  I was just so wrapped up in being his girlfriend that I didn’t really dwell on that.  It would happen, he would apologize and we’d move on.  Obviously, over the years we continued to have sex because I had two more children.

Over the years, he never really seemed overly excited about sex.  I always thought it was because he knew he wasn’t my first so in his mind he may have been wondering how he compares.  Of course, I couldn’t give pointers without it being obvious that I knew more about it then he did.  So it was always somewhat awkward – at least until I lowered my expectations.  After a few years of intense fighting – things stopped.  Not so much the sex part but we stopped kissing somewhere around year two or three.  Like…stopped.  No more “making out” with your significant other.  For those of you who have ever been in love or just love kissing in general…can you even imagine?  On top of that because I am hating him for the way he is treating me I stopped the “I love you” bullshit as well.  So barely into my early 20’s and all of that is done. However, I still have sex with him if for no other reason then to have one less thing to argue about.

Two kids and 20+ years later, I hate him more than ever.  Most of my close friends know I can’t stand him. They have no idea of the abuse just in the loathing. It seems not many people are too thrilled with their husbands either. The differences being, as far as I’m aware, they are not being abused and they are also not having sex.  And when asked of me they are shocked to hear…yes, I’m still having sex.  Has it gotten better over the years?  Thank the Lord, yes.  Do I still hate him? Absolutely. But I have needs too…and I can imagine being with anyone else while he does his best.  And the end result, it is still one less thing to argue about.

This brings us to our current state of affairs…I have cut his ass off.  I have no desire to be touched by him no matter how hard I imagine I am with someone else.  We don’t really sleep in the same room anymore which has helped tremendously.  Not for lack of him trying either.  He usually brings it up within 15 minutes of being home from work. Usually stating…tonight’s the night. And I laugh and say, yeah…okay.  But more so because he falls asleep on the couch and I leave him there.  So we’ve now come to that point in time where he is getting pissed off about it.  He decided he wanted to argue about it last night telling me…”You better stop doing what you’re doing” as in – holding out.  I looked at him and matter of factly said…”What I’m doing? You must be kidding me!” And I quickly run down the list of complaints from his less than exciting repertoire starting with not being kissed for 23 years.  From there on you can see his facial expression quickly change from demanding to oh damn, she can do better. He huffed and puffed about it for a couple of minutes more and then shut the fuck up.

Seriously, I know (especially for any man that might be reading this) no man wants to be held out on – most especially from his wife, but this one needs to get used to it.  It would be so much more helpful if he would go out there and find a girlfriend but it’s clear he is insecure on so many levels of his manhood, thus the physical violence.  He would barely know how to approach another women let alone actually bed one down.  No worries about me though.  Luckily, women are resilient and I am oh so fine.  It helps that I am starting to get regular visitation with the Ex and of course sexting does wonders.

I’m not really sure what the point of my story was. I guess, unfortunately, I am aware that at some point before I am out of here I will have to give it up if for nothing else but for leverage out of an argument.  Bleh.

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13 thoughts on “Let’s Talk About Sex

  1. jesus christ!! how is it every time i’m about to shut my computer down for the evening, you arrive with a post at the last second. and of course, i am compelled to read it, because you know i won’t miss an opportunity to comment. do you even feel a twinge of guilt over all the lost sleep you are causing me?? so, let us get the obligatory sarcasm out of the way first: “I have cut his ass off”. surely you cut the wrong thing off!! are you not quite old enough to remember Lorena Bobbitt, who cut her old man’s prick off with a kitchen knife as he slept?! i don’t remember every little detail, but i seem to remember some mention of him waking up at that point. and… apparently when the paramedics swung by for a quick visit, they found he poor bastard with his dick in his hand, and he was not taking a piss. alas, even dip shits must redeem themselves in everyone else’s eyes. once sufficiently sewn back on (ouch!), the guy, and i think they may have been divorced by then, attempted to become a porn star just to prove to the world, the same world that watched it get chopped off, that the new and improved version did indeed work quite well. i’m not a fan of porn so i didn’t catch it at the local cinema, and can’t remember if there was sequel or not. though his pre-dick-ament does bring to mind another motivating factor in a certain more well-known motherfucker we all know and love reign of violence. namely that the self-proclaimed “bad ass” had never had a piece of ass (even a “bad” piece of “ass”) before and the bruised ego could not handle being less experienced than his mate, who had had experience. poor piece of shit, no list of conquests to parade about, no idea what the “fuck” to do with it, and no recourse but to beat the shit out the one he should love. hey, doesn’t everyone do that?? well, at least that is my take on how a little more fuel gets inadvertently spilled on an already raging fire, which i thought you explained quite well (even without my assistance), except, damn it, you forgot to mention Lorena Bobbit. oh, by the way – am i driving you crazy yet?? have you unfollowed me and i’m just too stupid to realize??

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    • HA HA HA HA HA oh man…I am hysterical laughing right now!! First of all, I wish I was too young to remember Lorena Bobbitt – that was classic. If I’m not mistaken several years later someone else did the same but threw said piece out of the car window onto the side of a highway. Amazing and inspiring stories to say the least. As for your loss of sleep…ooops. Sorry! I guess I just want to grab readers at the end of their night with something juicy enough that they are, like you, compelled to read. Although dare I say none have as good a response as ‘the bad ass never had a piece of ass not even a bad one’…loosely paraphrased of course. Me unfollow you? Never!

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      • damn that Lorena Bobbitt – making us both reveal our age. so, there are other people who’ve cut off the offending piece of shit’s prick?? well, if you decide to do the same, you can give it your own little twist – stuff it down his throat to muffle his pathetic screams as he slowly bleeds to death. and remember, when you write your autobiography and make a movie, you had a little inspirational assistance.

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  2. Dang.
    23 years without kissing? I’m ready for you to get out of there and get some proper lovin’ That is absolutely nuts. I definitely don’t think you should sleep with him if you don’t want to– Been there, done that, hated myself.
    Just make sure you stay stocked up on batteries. Ha.

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    • Lol. Let’s be clear…without kissing HIM…which is fine. Just something useful to throw back at him as far as arguments go. I’m far from missing out on anything. He just makes me laugh when he thinks he’s got the market on complaining about it like he deserves something.

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  3. Pingback: Group Therapy: November’s Top Comments « HACKER. NINJA. HOOKER. SPY.

      • hahahah I was thinking of my on husband actually. I feel great pains for your situation. We grow so much as induals in life. Some of us that is. We look at where we’ve been and who we want to be and where we want to go and then there is this other person we’re married to who hasn’t or doesn’t seek that growth. They are comfortable with their own mindset, never seeing or looking as an outsider lookin in to see where they are going wrong and how they could make things better. It was very frustrating for me. I am divorced now and was physically abused but I can relate to you in some ways.

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  4. Lord have mercy!!! We can all relate!! I hated having sex with my ex. Always hoped he would find himself a gf. I didn’t know what great sex was till I got divorced!!! (yes I said it)
    Stay strong sister!! You are much loved.

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  5. I’ve been reading your blog for two days. I cannot put my phone down. Thank you for sharing. My situation is much like yours. Just hearing your story gives me hope for the future I also know this marriage is coming to an end……

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