When I decide to post something it’s because I can feel it physically. The emotional need and desire to write. Almost beyond my control, what I want to say just rises within me and…I write. Some sort of purge, I guess. Whatever it is…once I get it out onto “paper” I feel better and it’s gone. Giving it up and out for the universe to take it away from me. On days when I don’t feel the urge to write, I literally feel calm and rested. For the past couple of days though it’s been so emotionally bizarre for me. I’d stare at the screen ready to post and it was just inner madness. So strange. The best way I can explain it is like seeing bits and pieces of debris flying out from a spinning tornado. Except this debris was whatever it is I need(ed) to get off my chest but I just couldn’t focus. It wasn’t clear. It still may not be clear but here I am.
I’ve been thinking about it for a couple of weeks now and today I decided to just do it. Meditate. Quite literally, like less than two hours ago I just gave it a shot. I did some research and read all about my energy and chakras and just went for it. Let me say, it felt good. Like really good. I think it will definitely help my clarity and focus on what lies ahead of me. I am excited to start this new endeavor. I’ll take it day by day and see how it goes.
As far as this post goes…my five year plan. This is one of those “assignment” type activities teachers / therapists give to help – I don’t know what – help us realize we only think in the now? Give us an outline to guide us through our future? Who knows? I just figured this might be something good for me to do. I am the type of personality that needs to see that plan, work out the kinks and put it into action. Now, this is just a general overview but I trust that putting it out there will definitely provoke me to follow through.
Not sure how to start this so bear with me.
My main goal, obviously, is to be far gone from my current situation. I trust that in five years this life will be nothing but a distant memory. Something I lived in a different lifetime. I will be happy and at peace with my new life. Well earned and much deserved.
I look forward to living on my own. After all, I went from living with my parents to living with my husband. I never had the opportunity to be in a self-sustaining environment. Even though I have always been independent, I have been either a dependent of my parents or depended on by my husband. In five years from now, I will be happy and content in my surroundings, be them a studio apartment, a trailer, or a house that needs some TLC. It will be mine to come home to and be at peace in.
At present, I work at home and run my own business. It is something I can do no matter where I go but if for some reason I need to go back into the working world on the outside, I am fine with that too. In fact, in five years I may need that face to face humanity. So be it at a desk, behind a cash register or in some form of help to those who have gone through the same life I have, so be it. I am ready. I have thrived in every job I’ve ever held and I would accept and embrace the change.
In December 2018, I don’t know if I will necessarily be in a new relationship, a rekindled one, or just on my own. At this very moment, it actually doesn’t matter. I don’t see that part of my new life as being an issue. The important part will be for me to be able to live on my own first. A relationship is not necessary and doesn’t define me. However, in five years I have no doubt I will know where I stand as far as this part of my life is concerned.
At some point in time, whether or not it will fall within the five years or shortly thereafter, I want to travel. Not so much around the U.S. – that can be done anytime – mostly, I have a deep desire to go to Italy, at least sometime before I die, to the town where my great grandfather is from and just soak in my heritage. It’s actually been about five years since I started genealogy research on that side of my family and the amount of new information I’ve come across that no one else in my family knew is overwhelming and I just need to feel that in person. And, of course, eat the food.
This is all I have at the moment. I feel better. The tornado has stopped spinning and something made it out of my mind and onto the screen. Wishing us all inner peace. ❤
To read from the beginning… my story starts here.