I just came across this article. Funnily enough…I gave similar advice out to one of my readers a couple of months ago. Sounds like it may be something that actually works. The reason I gave this a read was in the title…Why Forgiving Yourself Can Be So Hard? Of course it didn’t hurt that it was written by Deepak Chopra. I mean, if anyone should have the right answers you’d think it would be him.
Seriously though, I cruised along this topic a couple of months ago in my post Missing Ingredient. I’ve seen and come more familiar with the topic of self forgiveness since then. It really is everywhere. Yet, I’m still not sure where I stand…with myself. The beginning of this article states:
“Some people are so ashamed that they can’t bring themselves to tell anyone their secret. The result is the worst kind of guilt, that festers inside with no chance for relief. If you feel that you have this kind of deep guilt, you must still find a way to believe that you are forgiven. You may have to take baby steps to get there.”
Now this I have covered. I was most definitely ashamed of my secret. Although I’m not necessarily sure it made me feel guilty. However, in telling my secret it did relieve this massive burden I carried. The burden of holding on to that secret in the first place. Sometimes I’m still in shock that I’ve said it and that it’s out there. But I’m glad I did. I feel confident enough to continue to tell people. My own personal 12-step program. I have no idea what step I’m on but I am on the staircase!
This article is brief so I don’t want to recount the entire thing here but in short there are 3 steps to aid in self forgiveness. The first being to write a letter confessing your secret. Check. Done deal with this blog. It’s where the second and third steps come into play that I was intrigued by – mostly because I hadn’t thought of it in those terms. The second, put my “guilt” on someone else as if it wasn’t mine. To give me perspective. In other words, how would I see this burden if it wasn’t mine. I’d say that was a semi-check. In reading all the other stories out there, similar to mine, I feel like I would have given the same advice that others have given to me – and so as I would give unto myself (Does that make sense? 🙂 I’m kind of tired.). Behold the third suggestion, adopt a mantra so that when you feel this “guilt” (aka burden) creep up you can repeat it over and over. One suggestion being “I am not here to suffer anymore” which is somewhat suitable for my situation. Apparently, this will help to rewire my thinking and not take me down the same road that I was on in feeling said guilt in the first place.
All in all, it seems logical. I’m not adverse to giving it a try. It may make more sense in helping to forgive actual feelings of guilt, which for certain past behavior I have come to terms with and forgiven myself. I’m not sure how much it would work for forgiving myself for being where I currently am. I absolutely recognize that some sort of self forgiveness needs to take place. I would assume, though, this has to be something that happens – as an epiphany. Maybe I am not enlightened enough yet and haven’t reached that place where I am truly engaged to my internal emotional state that I feel warrants forgiveness. I don’t know. This topic completely stumps me. Doesn’t hurt to try, right?
Have you forgiven yourself? What made you come to that point where you knew that’s what was needed? For those of you who have been down the same road, any suggestions on this self forgiveness theory?
To read from the beginning… my story starts here.