“If we own our story, then we can write the ending.” – Brene Brown
I’ve been saving this quote for a while now. When I came across it I knew I wanted to use it. Not so much because it’s just one of those sayings that people throw around to be inspirational – but because I figured at some point the words that would follow it – these words – my words – would come from a place within me that really and truly believed in it.
To quote another great American treasure…
“Oops, I did it again.” – Britney Spears (note sarcasm)
After I decided to let another friend into my life story earlier this month, I must say I was a little shocked to see that I didn’t have a panic attack. I didn’t hide away and regret telling her. I didn’t feel embarrassed by the fact that someone else was out there in the world and knows my personal business. My secrets. Look at me…I’m okay. For that reason, I decided to tell another person.
Another childhood friend. She is someone I’ve known since the third grade. We were in school together until high school graduation. We were never the best of friends. We were classmates, acquaintances, neighborhood kids that played and hung out within the same circles. It wasn’t until 2008, when we had our elementary school reunion, that we started to become close. As adults, we now had a different perspective on each other. We outgrew those things in childhood that kept us at arm’s length and started to bond.
Midway through this blogging journey, I knew there were a certain handful of people who I would be comfortable telling. She was always on that list. When I told her that I had been writing about my life and wanted to share it with her, I’m not sure what exactly she anticipated reading. It wasn’t this – that’s for sure. She was very surprised. Although, she did say she had heard a rumor about it, which she dismissed because – if you know me – I’m not the type of person anyone would imagine this happening to. She was floored to say the least and wants me out of here – like yesterday.
Tonight, I decided to tell another friend.
This woman I have known for just about the same amount of time I’ve been with my husband. We met at work at my first “real” office job after high school and have been friends ever since. She has had way more than her fair share of traumas in her life and I think I’ve seen her through most of them. Never really understanding how one person can go through so much in their life and still get up, move on and live life. At the same time, I am going through all of this. To me, my first instinct is to care more for what my friends are dealing with then what I am. I know what I can handle but you never know when something they’re dealing with is just too much.
I have to laugh because with the four people I’ve told, who know me in the real world, I’ve sent the link and pretty much ran away from the computer. I didn’t want to be there for an initial reaction to them opening my blog and seeing the words Battered Wife. I’m not really sure what I thought would happen. I guess it’s a similar feeling of nausea as you get when sitting on the roller coaster and as it starts realizing…holy shit, I’m actually doing this.
There is no doubt that each of these people have been brought in to my life, albeit at different stages, to be part of my journey. This very specific journey. Luckily, I have four beautiful friends. That I know of. Time will tell if there will be more. However, I could not have done this without all of the supportive people who have been following me for the past four months and actually given a damn. It’s only because of that support that I’ve begun to find the strength to tell others.
All of that being said, I now understand what that quote means to me. If by owning my story and having the strength and nerve to tell those I care about the most then in turn I will be able to write my ending. A happy ending. And I trust that is going to be one awesome read.
Thanks guys! xoxo
To read from the beginning… my story starts here.