Sweet Heart Series: Day 2

One thing I have written about a couple of times is the judgement the abused get from the non-abused.  It’s not always a deliberate judgment but more of innate sense of being utterly unable to empathize with our strife.  It is just a natural instinct to say…”Why doesn’t she just leave?” or “I would never stay with a man who hit me.” and of course there is always the “It can’t be that bad if she’s still there.”  What it boils down to is an ignorance that really is not their fault.  They’ve never been abused.  As wrong as it is for someone who has never been hit to judge my situation it is equally wrong for me to judge their lack of sensitivity.  But one out of four of those who judge us will eventually join our sisterhood.

This one was posted by:  Teela Hart

I have said many times that I would never be with a man who abuses me. As a nurse, my training taught me to recognize the signs of abuse; as an ER nurse, I had occasionally cared for abused women (not that domestic violence is a respecter of either sex).

I employed educational materials and I prepared a “one size fits all” speech completely bereft of first-hand knowledge, and gladly so.  I was innocent to the trappings of Domestic Violence.

Continue reading here… Innocence Lost

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12 thoughts on “Sweet Heart Series: Day 2

  1. There is another reason that abused people don’t just leave. In my case, I was in a mental fog. I didn’t know what was right or wrong. I thought maybe I was overreacting. I also thought that if I could be good enough, then he would stop. People who have never been there truly do not understand. Thankfully for them…. They can’t understand. I wish I could turn the pages back and do things differently, but I can’t. Now…. I just try to forgive myself.

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    • You are right. For me there, in the very beginning there was always a reasonable explanation for the abuse. And when an excuse wasn’t readily available I thought I could help reprogram him. By the time I realized this would become the norm it was too late and I was too afraid to back out. It seems forgiveness really is key. Thanks for reading!

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      • As far as forgiveness goes, I don’t think there will be a time that I forgive him. I can’t forgive someone who is not only remorseful, but said that I deserved it. No…. Forgiveness will be what I work on for myself. I have beat myself to pieces over the past year. That not only has to stop, but I have to find a way to love myself again. Better now… But still a lot of work to do.

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      • Hard to believe I’m saying this but it will probably be easier to forgive him than myself. I struggle with the aspect of needing to forgive myself as I don’t quite grasp what I did wrong. With him, I know at the very root there is damage that goes way beyond anything that has to do with me which is the cause of him being the way he is. However, forgetting…will never an option.

        I came across something yesterday that bottom line said… forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you. That is a slightly more tangible reason. In that aspect I guess it does make some sense. Oh well, good luck to you and me both!

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    • The words “live and learn” come to mind. We’re all quick to say I would never take that…and then…there we are. I can easily see (since blogging) that for more reasons than one this life was something I was meant to go through. If not for any other reason then to talk about it now. It still amazes me that so many of us are speaking about being abused – as if we’re talking about a day being out shopping. Whether we realize it or not that alone…talking about it…is helping us to evolve into someone remarkable. Hopefully one day no one will be able to understand the plight of abuse.

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