31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 4

In a follow-up from yesterday’s post regarding PTSD and how I always think of it as a an issue that affects soldiers, I came across this information which is not directly relating to PTSD but the comparisons between soldiers and woman who suffer from domestic violence is a real eye opener.

FACT:  Compare the number of American troops killed in Afghanistan and Iraq (6,612) to the number of women killed during the same period in the United States as the result of domestic violence (11,766). Almost twice as many women died at the hands of men who supposedly loved them as did American soldiers on battlefields.

Here are some other chilling domestic violence statistics:

● 30 percent of the female homicides in our country are committed by the victim’s intimate partner.

● The number one cause of death during pregnancy in the United States is homicide.

● The likelihood that a woman will die a violent death is increased by 270 percent if there is a gun in her home.

● Two in three women killed by their intimate partners were shot with guns kept in their home by their partners.

Yes, there is a gun in my house.  It is in a locked box that only he has the combination to.  The box is in a place that I can see on a daily basis.  Yes, he has taken it out and held it against me while violently threatening me.  This has happened maybe only five times in twenty-five years.  And yes, I know — it’s still five times more than it should have ever been.

My fear of a violent death has always been related to me leaving than it has been to me staying.  In those moments when he’d hold the gun and threaten me, I’d play mind games – almost daringly saying – go ahead.  Usually, I’m sitting in a chair or on the sofa when threats are flying.  When it comes to a gun or knife I would fix myself up as I’d be sitting there (as in this will be the way I’m found) and then I’d sit with my hands folded and close my eyes.  When we’d be in the heat of a battle and he’d go crazy looking for a belt or wire or something else to hit me with – when I knew it was inevitable – I’d give him skin.  Like if I’m wearing a tank with a sweatshirt on top, I’d remove the sweatshirt or if I was wearing jeans I’d take them off or (when able to) change into shorts or pajama pants – basically something of thinner material.

Believe me, I’m well aware that this sounds just as crazy as his preparing to injure me but for some reason it would always stop him in his tracks.  He knew exactly what I was doing.  Even if he didn’t intend to stab or shoot or strike but just needed a weapon in his hand for intimidation, for what ever reason, me acting like I was prepared for what he was about to do – stopped him.  I’m not exactly sure what this bizarre phenomenon is but, for me, in my situation, it worked almost every time.  This is where ‘keep your enemies closer’, comes in to play.  If I were to have run, especially in the early days when the situation was 10x more intense then it is now, I would never have been able to talk or act my way out of being a victim to his crime.

After years of studying him in his natural habitat, I trust I can walk away unscathed.  I’m not going to lie, I am still ridiculously scared to go through with leaving but the time is getting near and I’m more ready than I’ve ever been.


Fact Source:  Huffington Post


To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

2 thoughts on “31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 4

  1. That makes sense to me. Mine was a pouncer, he was maddened by my inattention, and with two toddlers and an infant, it was hard to always be at his beck and call for interrogations or demands. So if I was busy, not paying attention due to cleaning something up or changing the sheets or whatever, he would pounce. It made me crazy, to not be able to get ready.
    I had the gun just once with him, a pistol. I got up to go to the bathroom and he did not like being startled. He tracked me into the bathroom, and out again. A week later I found the empty box for that gun in the trunk, and it was something else, an airgun or BB pistol or something. I had thought it was real. Thank goodness it was not, because when I developed a roll of pictures I found photos he had taken of my kids holding it, at ages two and four, when I had another child at the doctor.
    I think prepping for the attack is smart, survival instinct. The more exposed flesh you have, the more visceral it is. He can see the evidence form right in front of his eyes, and there is denying what he is doing. No clothing in the way. Great deterrent.
    I remember being grateful that when it came down to the escape, that I still had old bruising on the latest point of contact. When they were taking pictures, there was something to see. The pink skin of a fresh hit does not look alarming. New bruising of old bruising is more impressive in photographs.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think I may have only taken pictures once or twice over the years. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere at the time and I wasn’t reporting it so I didn’t need the “evidence”. There’s not much of that going on anymore. It’s all verbal now. And I’m slowly unhinging so I think he’s a little frightened that I could lose it at any minute. I think he’s enjoying thinking he’s the victim. When he tries arguing with me and I get nuts and he tells ME to calm down I just look at him and laugh. My new line is….Karma is coming to collect…be ready. Lol

      Liked by 2 people

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