Soon after we started dating, once he was through with the lovey dovey – I can’t live without you and you’re the only one for me – honeymoon phase, he would always be very loud and verbally abusive in public. I hated going anywhere with him because something would always happen that would cause him to make a scene. I had two ways of coping with this. I either acted like he was telling me a story about someone else and I’d have a lighthearted grin and make faces of shock and dismay as if I couldn’t believe what he was telling me or I would act just as pissed off about whatever “story” he was screaming at me. This way anyone that may be passing and caught only a tiny bit of what he was saying would think he was just a loud talker.
One day, in the very beginning, I accompanied him to a doctor’s appointment and as we arrived – either because we were late or just because I was breathing – he was screaming all kinds of things at me. As I walked past this older woman, clearly in her 60’s or older, she turned to me and said, “Honey, you better get away from him while you still can. Trust me, he is never going to change.” He heard what she said and yelled at her to mind her business.
I had to only be about 17 or 18 when this happened and I have never forgotten her or her words. He even remembers her. I brought her up once a few years ago … “I should have listened to that woman.” Of course, he had some stupid comment but he knew exactly who I was talking about.
She was right. And she was the only one who ever approached us during an argument. A little old woman.
FACT: What is dating violence?
Teen dating violence [PDF 187KB] is defined as the physical, sexual, or psychological/emotional violence within a dating relationship, as well as stalking. It can occur in person or electronically and may occur between a current or former dating partner. You may have heard several different words used to describe teen dating violence. Here are just a few:
- Relationship Abuse
- Intimate Partner Violence
- Relationship Violence
- Dating Abuse
- Domestic Abuse
- Domestic Violence
Adolescents and adults are often unaware that teens experience dating violence. In a nationwide survey, 9.4 percent of high school students report being hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by their boyfriend or girlfriend in the 12 months prior to the survey. (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2011 Youth Risk Behavior Survey). About 1 in 5 women and nearly 1 in 7 men who ever experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner, first experienced some form of partner violence between 11 and 17 years of age (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey).
Today I decided to post a couple of videos.
I’m not sure if these will cause any triggers for anyone. They both are based on after the violence. One showing how bruises pop up one after the other and the other shows in a non-chalant kind of way how to cover up bruises.
It rarely stops:
How to cover up bruises:
Luckily, I never had to cover up facial bruises. Not to say my face was never bruised but it was such a minimal amount of times that I can barely remember what I did about them. It was quite possibly after I was working from home so I didn’t have to worry about going to work and people seeing my face. Somehow, he always possessed enough sense to get me where no one could see. The only thing to come of that is people have asked on occasion why I’d be wearing a jacket or long sleeves during the summer.
As usual…I had an excuse ready.
Fact Source: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.