Tag Archive | domestic abuse

Goals

goals

It has been close to 30 years since I was first struck by the man who would become my husband. After numerous brutal beatings, three children, non-stop threats of murder if I dare leave, in addition to my own prayers for my life to end so I could be free of the abuse…somehow, I survived.

The depth of my fear, fueled by my hate, gave me a pinpointed focus to raise my children and upon the last turning 18… get the hell out! Well, that time is upon me.

I’ve been counting down the days for way longer than I can remember.  Once they became a realistic number, I thought to myself… this is about to get real.  FAST!  Then before I knew it, the days went from 365 to less than half of that number, to within the same calender year and now… mere weeks.  Now, mental preparation.

There is still so much to get done before I go.  Loose ends to tie up.  People I want to explain my inevitable absence to.  And then there is my family.  I allowed my sister and mother to enter into my secret life and read my blog.  When they had a full understanding of my life thus far they seemed genuinely distressed over what I had been through.  My parents had only known about one episode early on but I did a good enough job hiding the life I endured that they had no idea it continued, most especially not for 25+ years.

Since absorbing that I most definitely do intend to go through with my exit plan, my mother and sister seem (to me) to be more concerned about what they need to do to protect themselves than they are about anything I will be going though.  The words, “how can we help” have yet to be spoken.  As these last days are closing in, these words, or lack thereof, have shaken me.  Although I do have friends that have offered their help, I can’t help but feel very much alone.  I’ve been taken back to a mental state where I need to fend for myself, and fear has kicked in.  Worst of all, every specific I had planned for this exit, I now feel unsure about.  I’m second guessing, feeling anxious and deciding whether or not I need to make changes.

On another note, I work from home.  I guess that being helpful or hurtful is up for debate but the point is, I work.  And I do so for many hours a day.  Yet, like many, many others, I live from check to check.  I have been able to put some money to the side for this event.  However, I did not start doing so until the end date was too close for comfort realizing I was broke.  So yeah, my resolution…save something…anything!  I am very much aware that is not nearly enough.  This has added panic on to every other emotion I’m feeling.

How the hell, where the hell, what the hell…am I going to do?  I do not like borrowing.  I’ve had to in the past and it’s just so uneasy for me.  I know I’m not the only one that feels that way.  Unrelated to financial issues, when asking for help – on any level – I’ve been let down more often than not.  So even being here right now, asking, begging, is surreal.  This is so uncomfortable and I apologize for even attempting to have the audacity to think anyone….everyone… doesn’t have a million other things more important to donate money to than me.

I am not even close to a special case.  There are so many of us.  Abuse victims.  And although I haven’t felt like a “victim” for a long time – due to my abuser’s very painful rheumatoid arthritis (lucky me) – Now, I am just a victim of my own poor financial planning.  I don’t even know where to start in asking people to donate, or what an appropriate amount is to ask for.  All I can think of is that if I can afford to pay rent for at least six months, then maybe I can be less stressed about the initial “hiding” period.  My son will be with me and I am not going to be ready for either one of us to be out and about, at least not for the first month or so.  I need to make sure we are completely safe.

This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever pulled off.  If there is just one aspect of it that I don’t have to worry over, I would be beyond appreciative.  Once I am fully free, paying it forward will be in using my voice and being as loud as possible for those of us that are still in hiding.  It has been 30 years since I was abused by someone who claimed to love me, and it is clear that this epidemic is far from over.  It’s not even close to ending with me; there are so many others out there.  Every anonymous account needs a voice.  A new fight I look forward to getting into head on.

For those of you who find it in your heart to donate anything to me… I thank you in advance and will be forever grateful.  If you are unable to donate, please share this on your social media.  XOXO

Click here to read my full story.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 20

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Domestic Abuse Survivors : 5 Reasons to Embrace Your Future

Suffering from any kind of abuse in life is something that we all experience at some point, but there are many situations that escalate further than that. Some domestic abuse survivors are so scarred by their experiences that they end up shutting themselves up to the idea of having a bright future at all.

5- Stop worrying about the kind of life that you once had

The past is in the past and it will never be the future and this is a very important thing that you need to be careful about. If you want your future to be bright you need to let go of the past. Do not become one of those people who get caught up in being stuck in the past and never let go of the things that hurt you.

4-Remember that nothing about your past has to hold you back

Your past should never hold you from your potential in the future. If you feel like you want to start a whole new life you should just go for it and move away from your current residence. Don’t get stuck in who you used to be and give yourself the chance to grow and evolve.

3-Your future is really all that you can control today

Nothing from the past can be controlled today and this is why you need to be careful not to overthink anything that already happened. You are only going to be able to create a future but never to change the past at all. This is why fighting with what once was is a waste of time and you should only work on your present and future.

2-There are all kinds of people

This means that you should never feel limited to the thought of everyone being the same. There are all kinds of people in the world and many of them will be good and others bad. Do not think that one bad experience means that the entire world is the same and that other relationships will be different. There are people who are raised in healthy environments and others who are raised in bad ones. You can’t shut your mind to the fact that in most cases you can easily tell what kind of person you are dealing with. You can easily find out more about someone and how they are by finding out about their family and their way of life.

1-Learn to be alone too

There is no rush to be with someone else and you need to learn to be in your own company. It’s better to be alone than with someone who will create drama and conflict in your life. You have to learn to be alone in order to be able to live your life happy. You will never find happiness in others until you are able to feel and experience happiness on your own. This is going to be crucial in your life and you should avoid getting into any situation with someone else until you sort your own life out.

Your future is uncertain but your actions can shape a lot of that future. You can expect to be a happier person when you stop feeling so worried about your past and focused on what you will do today to make tomorrow better. There is nothing more important than what is happening now and nothing more irrelevant that what occurred yesterday.

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Fact Source:  Domestic Abuse and Domestic Violence

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.