Tag Archive | financial abuse

Goals

goals

It has been close to 30 years since I was first struck by the man who would become my husband. After numerous brutal beatings, three children, non-stop threats of murder if I dare leave, in addition to my own prayers for my life to end so I could be free of the abuse…somehow, I survived.

The depth of my fear, fueled by my hate, gave me a pinpointed focus to raise my children and upon the last turning 18… get the hell out! Well, that time is upon me.

I’ve been counting down the days for way longer than I can remember.  Once they became a realistic number, I thought to myself… this is about to get real.  FAST!  Then before I knew it, the days went from 365 to less than half of that number, to within the same calender year and now… mere weeks.  Now, mental preparation.

There is still so much to get done before I go.  Loose ends to tie up.  People I want to explain my inevitable absence to.  And then there is my family.  I allowed my sister and mother to enter into my secret life and read my blog.  When they had a full understanding of my life thus far they seemed genuinely distressed over what I had been through.  My parents had only known about one episode early on but I did a good enough job hiding the life I endured that they had no idea it continued, most especially not for 25+ years.

Since absorbing that I most definitely do intend to go through with my exit plan, my mother and sister seem (to me) to be more concerned about what they need to do to protect themselves than they are about anything I will be going though.  The words, “how can we help” have yet to be spoken.  As these last days are closing in, these words, or lack thereof, have shaken me.  Although I do have friends that have offered their help, I can’t help but feel very much alone.  I’ve been taken back to a mental state where I need to fend for myself, and fear has kicked in.  Worst of all, every specific I had planned for this exit, I now feel unsure about.  I’m second guessing, feeling anxious and deciding whether or not I need to make changes.

On another note, I work from home.  I guess that being helpful or hurtful is up for debate but the point is, I work.  And I do so for many hours a day.  Yet, like many, many others, I live from check to check.  I have been able to put some money to the side for this event.  However, I did not start doing so until the end date was too close for comfort realizing I was broke.  So yeah, my resolution…save something…anything!  I am very much aware that is not nearly enough.  This has added panic on to every other emotion I’m feeling.

How the hell, where the hell, what the hell…am I going to do?  I do not like borrowing.  I’ve had to in the past and it’s just so uneasy for me.  I know I’m not the only one that feels that way.  Unrelated to financial issues, when asking for help – on any level – I’ve been let down more often than not.  So even being here right now, asking, begging, is surreal.  This is so uncomfortable and I apologize for even attempting to have the audacity to think anyone….everyone… doesn’t have a million other things more important to donate money to than me.

I am not even close to a special case.  There are so many of us.  Abuse victims.  And although I haven’t felt like a “victim” for a long time – due to my abuser’s very painful rheumatoid arthritis (lucky me) – Now, I am just a victim of my own poor financial planning.  I don’t even know where to start in asking people to donate, or what an appropriate amount is to ask for.  All I can think of is that if I can afford to pay rent for at least six months, then maybe I can be less stressed about the initial “hiding” period.  My son will be with me and I am not going to be ready for either one of us to be out and about, at least not for the first month or so.  I need to make sure we are completely safe.

This is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever pulled off.  If there is just one aspect of it that I don’t have to worry over, I would be beyond appreciative.  Once I am fully free, paying it forward will be in using my voice and being as loud as possible for those of us that are still in hiding.  It has been 30 years since I was abused by someone who claimed to love me, and it is clear that this epidemic is far from over.  It’s not even close to ending with me; there are so many others out there.  Every anonymous account needs a voice.  A new fight I look forward to getting into head on.

For those of you who find it in your heart to donate anything to me… I thank you in advance and will be forever grateful.  If you are unable to donate, please share this on your social media.  XOXO

Click here to read my full story.

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Infinity House Magazine Interview – Part 3 of 3

“Thank you for sharing with us and our readers, you are incredible!”

I’m very grateful to have had the opportunity for my story to be told on another platform, via Infinity House Magazine.  Part of stepping out of the shadows to tell our personal story of Domestic Violence is the responsibility of sharing it with as many people as possible.  Even if some are unable to relate directly, it is important, in my opinion, for everyone to understand just how widespread an epidemic this really is.

It happens every day, on every continent, to 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men.  There is no discrimination on gender, race, religion or sexual preference.  Each case of abuse is different.  For some it’s physical, and for others it’s sexual.  There is also emotional, psychological and economic abuse.  Statistics say that only 70% of Domestic Violence cases are reported to law enforcement.  We will probably never know how accurate that number really is – unless we started speaking out.

We don’t need sympathy.  We need honesty.  If you are reading this and have been in an abusive relationship – most especially – if you have gotten out — Tell. Your. Story.  It can, and will, help others.

However, if you are still in an abusive relationship, you are the only one that knows whether or not telling someone will jeopardize your safety.  Use caution.  Whenever you are able to – forget about the shame and – Tell. Your. Story.

Looking to the Future After Domestic Violence

This week we have heard the story of … Battered Wife Seeking Better Life. 

Her true tale has been one of great sadness, of deep jealousy, of vast fear and of unexplainable physical and mental pain. It has been the account of real life domestic violence, that happens to millions everyday.

http://infinityhousemagazine.com/2015/02/05/domestic-violence-part-three-marie/

Infinity House Magazine - Part 3

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 15

NoMore IDtheft

ID Theft as Abuse in a Domestic Violence Situation

Domestic abuse situations are often about power and control. One form of control many are not aware of is an abuser using identity theft to ensure their victim cannot escape to start a new life. Additionally, some abusers may steal their victim’s personal information to impersonate them on social media in order to humiliate them or put them in danger. For domestic violence victims, the theft of their or their children’s identities can have a deep, lasting effect on their lives.

Seeking safe shelter, securing a new job and even opening a new bank account can be very difficult for domestic violence victims whose abusers have used identity theft to ruin their credit or good name. Any safety planning should also include keeping personal information (as well as children’s information) safe.  This includes protecting social security numbers, birth certificates and account information.

Steps to Take to Protect Your Identity

¨     Relocate.  Moving across town, across the state or across the country puts physical distance between you and the abuser.  Be sure to obtain an unlisted phone number and be aware of the Full Faith and Credit provisions in your restraining order, which make the order valid when you travel to another state or tribal jurisdiction.

¨     Apply to the address confidentiality program in your state. These types of programs allow individuals who have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking or other types of crime to receive mail at a confidential address, while keeping their actual address undisclosed.  Rules and eligibility vary from state to state. Click here to see a list of address confidentiality programs in states across the country.

¨     Open a post office box to receive mail.  Abusers may be able to open fraudulent credit cards by responding to credit card offers received in the mail.  A post office box may prevent this if only you have access to it.  Be wary of the confidentiality policies of non-government post office box centers such as Mail Boxes, Etc…and the fact that it may not be possible to remain anonymous in rural towns while accessing the post office.

¨     Protect your incoming and outgoing mail.  Shred all credit card offers that come in the mail along with other documents that have your name, address and/or social security number on them. Mail bills and other sensitive documents directly from the post office instead of from the mailbox on your porch or at the end of your driveway.  Call 1-800-5OPT-OUT to stop receiving credit card offers in the mail.

¨     Guard your social security number.  Do not use your social security number as a general ID, PIN or password.  Request to have your social security number removed from documents you receive in the mail and ID cards for health insurance, driving, work, etc…  Click here to read about changing your social security number.

¨     Check your credit report.  The best way to determine if someone has committed fraud against you is to check your credit report with all three credit bureaus at least once per year.  Visitwww.annualcreditreport.com to obtain a free yearly credit report. You can also make a request to have a fraud alert placed on your credit report.  Click here to find out how to contact the credit bureaus.

¨     Report suspected fraud.  Contact local law enforcement if you know of or suspect fraud and ask to file a report.  Check and/or close accounts you believe have been tampered.  File a report with the Federal Trade Commission at 1-877-ID-THEFT and the Social Security Administration Fraud Hotline at 1-800-269-0271.  File copies of police reports with credit bureaus.

¨     Protect information you give out.  Never give any identifying information over the phone or through email or the internet unless you initiated the call or have verification that the website or email communication is secure.

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Fact Source:  Identity Theft Network

Fact Source:  National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.