The Ranting Narcissist

Dec28

A few weeks ago, I called into my voicemail to record a classic rant.  Since then, I’ve been deciding on whether or not to post here.  It was a minor nothing situation.  Those are usually the kind that create such an intense ongoing out loud battle with no one.  Just him ranting and raving to no one and to no end…just to be heard.

Let me paint this scenario.  It was a Sunday evening, approximately 6:00pm.  This is his day off and as of late he has been using these days to do absolutely nothing except lay on the couch, watch full seasons of whatever tv show strikes his fancy on Netflix, getting up only to get something to eat and go to the bathroom.

When he watches television…the volume is on – if you’re not deaf now you will be in a half hour – and because the bulk of his day is basically him sprawled out on the couch, the kids and I usually utilize that time and stay in our rooms.  But when I came down to start dinner he decided it was time for company.  So now he calls my son down…who is undoubtedly on the laptop which is where he spends most of his downtime.  We all know this “company” time is completely uncomfortable yet we all have conformed to placate him to a certain degree of our unrest just to keep him silent.  My son comes down and like any normal human with normal hearing asks him in a normal tone of voice to lower the volume.  My husband did go to lower the volume via remote but it wasn’t budging.  Either he was hitting the wrong button or the batteries got loose (like when you have to whack the remote a couple of times and then the buttons work again). Whatever the situation, my son asked again and that’s pretty much what set him off.

Warning: This may be a trigger for those who can no longer tolerate a man screaming and cursing.  Below is a transcript of the bullshit.  And let me just say…this went on for at least a half hour.  I made a four minute recording for this post because that’s all I can tolerate.

“…But no that’s not good enough, that’s not good enough.  They start me up and then I go crazy.  And then they say about it…oh look he started, he’s doing this, or look at that, look at him, look at the way he’s talking, the way he’s fighting.  But does anybody hear me explain what the fuck is going on? I’m not doing nothing wrong?  But no…”

Me interjecting…”All he said was to lower the volume, he didn’t know the remote wasn’t working!”

“If I’m trying to lower the fucking volume in front of his face … are you fucking an idiot?  You know.  Don’t come downstairs if you are going to be like a fucking dick.  But he can’t come down now.  You know.  This is what I mean.  Don’t do that to my mind.  Why are you doing that to my mind?  What did I do wrong?  I couldn’t lower down the fucking thing? I couldn’t lower the fucking volume down?  You know.  Fucking idiots.  That’s how it’s going to be all fucking day now (note…this was already 6:30pm).  They can’t listen to me, they can’t hear me?  But no…then they start me up.  That’s how I do it.  That’s how I do it now.”

“I just have to go crazy in this house.  My head is…  Again, I was quiet.  I was relaxed.  I was happy.  Then here comes this guy from upstairs with an atti-fucking-tude that … I hope he’s not on the computer.  I swear I hope he’s not on the computer.  Cause if he is on the computer… I break it today.  I’ll let you know that right now.”

My son interjects… “I’m not on the computer I’m laying down…okay?!”

“…He comes down here with an attitude, you know what? Do me a big fucking favor…don’t come down here.  I was here all fucking day without a word coming out of my fucking mouth.  I was happy.  I ate my ice cream.  I made a little sandwich.  I watched my tv show.  I’m laying down.  BOOM…comes down with an attitude.  Why the fuck is he coming down with an attitude?  Because I couldn’t lower the fucking lower the fucking thing on time?  And then when I say something he’s got a fucking bitch attitude?  But no this is better…me…right now, right?  This is what you like hearing…me every time going crazy, right?  I guess so.  I guess so … because you always do it.  Always do it.  Bunch of idiots.  A whole bunch of idiots. Let’s hope I try to relax.  Nobody can say, you know what…he’s happy.  Let me start him up.  Nobody can say you know what, let me shut the fuck up, let me not say nothing to him  (?) … You got me. I wasn’t doing nothing wrong…you know? But no. They had to find something.  The remote control.  The remote control was not operating right.  You know? Then I’m wrong.  I am wrong.  You know?”

There you have it.  This can pretty much go on any day, any time, for an undetermined length of time.  This is what I deal with nowadays in lieu of beatings.  Joy.

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To read from the beginning… my story starts here.

26 thoughts on “The Ranting Narcissist”

  2. ugh, I didnt listen but I read and that was enough for me. I wish I could just punch him in the throat so he wouldnt be able to talk. I am sorry for you all and I am so very excited for when you are all safe and far far away from this insanity.

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    • Oh how I’d love to punch him in the throat. Lol. At this stage of the game I think as much as he swears he is right on all fronts and justified in his bullshit he knows he has pushed me to the edge. So it’s mainly all threats and talk. Like tonight…I’m frying chicken cutlets and I’m explaining something to him about the TV settings but of course in usual fashion he takes over my conversation and makes it his and somehow the tables have turned and he is now explaining it to me. But I keep on persisting he be quiet and listen because I started the conversation and he is persisting that he’s heard enough. He comes in to the kitchen to get his food but the argument has slightly escalated and I grab a hold of the frying pan (with my left hand)…oil boiling high…and I stare him straight in the eye. He knows what I’m thinking. He calls me on it. Go ahead…throw the oil at me…I’ll still kill you. So without blinking an eye…I turn my body and switch the handle to my dominant right hand and glare harder, almost saying…fine by me. And then he walks away. And that’s what all of these years has given me – the strength to go right up to the edge – because I know where he stops now. But still…it’s fucking exhausting and I can’t wait to never hear his voice again.

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      • It burns my a** that these idiots can’t even keep it together in front of the kids. Mine was the same…he regularly told me he hated me and wanted me to die in front of my boys.

        Anyhow, I’m not an expert on relocation or anything, but if there’s something I can do to help, let me know. I do have some contacts at my local DV center…

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  6. Why in Gods name would you ever stay with someone like this?? The saddest part is that your kids will be destroyed by this behavior. The damage being caused by this may take a lifetime to overcome, and every aspect of their life will suffer. Unfortunately they didn’t have a choice but you do!!

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    • At 18 years old with no one willing to help (including my parents), I did what I had to do. Believe it or not, two of my kids are adults now and they are actually just fine. In between the asshole behavior there were normal moments where we were able to have holidays, vacations, etc. It wasn’t high intensity 24/7. My kids look back at his ranting as more of a joke because he is so dramatic about everything. The fact that we can all recite his verbiage word for word before he walks in the door is kind of a therapy in itself…because there is laughter. I appreciate your comment and I agree with your concern but looking back, if I would have left back then and took any of my kids…this blog would not exist.

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    • In retrospect, I guess I can see how that is one way of looking at it. He never really bothered with the kids in the same way. His focus was solely on me. Take away the narc behavior and the parenting was done between both of us at our very best. My two oldest are the first in either of our families to go to college. All of my kids excel in school and in extracurricular activities. In my particular situation, as I can only speak for my own decisions, this is far from a textbook situation. My kids have thrived and it is visible to anyone who knows my situation that the cycle has been broken. Honestly, it’s the one thing beneficial out of the entire situation.

      Don’t get me wrong, if I had to do it over again…I would have left with the first hit – before I was pregnant…at 18.

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      • By no means am I trying to judge you. I do applaud your courage in telling your story. I do feel however that you might have been desensitized by the prolonged abuse because a parent calling their kids a dick, idiot, asshole and saying fuck every other word in a sentence is extremely abusive and will undoubtedly chip away and tarnish ones self worth. Although your kids may excel in certain areas of life, the personal relationship aspect will certainly suffer. I know this from experience. More than likely children who are raised by narcissistic parents or parent will end up attracting the same type of person (narcissist) as a mate/lover over and over again. That is the worst part of being a product of abuse, you don’t realize how bad your affected until you continue repeating the same patterns in your personal relationships!! These patterns ultimately stem from childhood and as a direct result attract individuals similar to the original abuser.

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      • Hey, my story is out there now so I have to accept the comments whether good or bad. I try to respond in an understanding sentiment because even though I am a victim under my own roof, I too know people that have gone through these NPD relationships and I too give out my own advice, advice I should take myself. So I definitely see both sides. You are absolutely right in the fact that once everyone is out of this house and is on their own will we know the real damage that has been done. I’ve seen how the cycle repeated from my husband’s parents to the children (http://wp.me/p3UZPT-9w). The difference there was that there really was no one there to nurture the kids away from following that path. Even though I chose to stay (until the last of my kids turn 18), I have repeatedly tried to explain that this is not how a normal and loving marriage is supposed to be. With my son especially, I explain that you do not act this way with anyone, let alone a female and especially not your wife, etc. I guess time will tell. Luckily, once I’m gone they will probably sever ties with him and then we can all start to assess the real damage.

        Just a side note – even though I know it really doesn’t make a difference – during this rant of name calling, my son was upstairs for most of it. The A-hole likes to hear his own voice and he’ll go on like this whether we’re near him or not. He’s an attention whore.

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  8. He is a monster as you have described, I have read your blogs and I just can’t seem to wrap my head around why you justify staying in this disaster. You are doing your kids and yourself a huge disservice by staying!! You are also just prolonging the damage. You mentioned you tell your kids this is not a healthy loving relationship and never to treat a woman that way, so why don’t you show them the strength you posses and do what’s right and leave. Leaving would be the honorable and dignified act, that in itself would show them how unacceptable this situation is. Unfortunately they may resent you for staying and enduring this behavior down the line. It doesn’t matter where they are in the home, they know what’s going on!! As a mother it is our job to nurture and protect our kids from these situations, and you say your staying for them?! Although I don’t know this man, I do know a narcissist doesn’t care if you leave, they move on with a quickness and don’t miss a beat. So what are you waiting for this man to kill you?!

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    • The entire scenario you are describing is nothing like myself or my children. You make it sound as if my life is portraying a cookie-cutter situation. There is nothing the same about each person’s life, action, choices in cases of abuse. If you’ve been physically abused then you know that. Perhaps he is not solely a narcissist. There are many other traits at play. It took a lot for me to post that 3 minute rant. I didn’t have to. I didn’t owe it to anyone. I did it to be honest in telling my story. What was recorded is not what goes on 24/7. Yes, there have been extremes of rage, violence and threats…which mostly took place in the first decade of our marriage. And if I would have left…as he told me plenty of times he would have quit his job and came after me. He warned me with threats against my sister and other members of my family. He even took a map I had with directions to family members out of state – and he threatened to go there. When faced with all of this as a teenager and in my early 20’s – I completely believed him. I stayed as a sacrifice for my family’s safety. I feared if I ran he would have had my sister raped, my grandfather killed .. as well as other threats he hung over my head. Facing what I was facing – I did what I felt I needed to. I could not have been able to live with myself if I left and he did do one or all of the things he promised…and in the end still find me and still kill me. What honor would I have had to flag around if I was cut up and buried in pieces? Thank you for your “non-judgmental” comments. I do appreciate your honest opinion. I’m glad you were able to survive vicious beatings and take your children and get out. I applaud you for it. I hope to one day be on your side of the fence. When that time comes I just hope I exercise a little more compassion when airing my opinions.

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      • The scenario I’m describing is what you have written in your blogs. I’m sorry for all involved, good luck to you and your family!!!

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  9. I completely understand why you have chosen to stay and no one has the right to judge your decisions. I truly hope for the best for you and your kids and I have faith that they will overcome this and be okay. You will no doubt make sure they always have one parent offering unconditional, mature love.

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