Archive | October 2014

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 31

Oct31

Today is the last day of Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Thank you for seeing me through each day, with words of support, and by sharing some of these posts.  I’ve definitely learned a lot more than I expected by posting 31 Facts in 31 Days.  I hope you did too.

Empower:
• To give power or ability to.
• To enable or permit.

Power:
• Ability to do or act; capability of doing or accomplishing something.
• Great or marked ability to do or act; strength; might; force.

Ability:
• Power or capacity to do or act physically, mentally, legally, morally, financially, etc.
• Competence in an activity or occupation because of one’s skill, training, or other qualification.

Since the beginning, I always knew that one day I’d be leaving. I always believed I had the ability to pull it off. I always strived to survive another day to make sure I saw that – last day. Over this past year, my experience in blogging has been something of a rebirth. With releasing my secrets, I have rendered them powerless. My story of abuse doesn’t hurt me anymore. It’s no longer a burden weighing heavily on my heart, or on my soul. And because of that, there has been somewhat of a regeneration of all that I have already known, except now the reality of – leaving – is close at hand. It’s in my peripheral. And, it’s gorgeous.

Music has had a very large impact on my life, since I was very young. The sound of the melodies, the words and the voice of who is singing the song always has an affect on me. It brings out every emotion. I do appreciate all types of genres – it’s only fair. The people writing and performing music (as with blogging), do so from a part of their souls that needs to tell their story. Every song I listen to, takes me to a certain place in my mind. Whether it be memories of the past or dreams of the future – music stirs me.

One song in particular, since the very first time I heard it (2002), has had a profound effect. No matter my mood, it always gives me focus, clarity and drive. The words and the energy of the song are beyond what I can explain.

Best I can say – this – is my song of empowerment.

See lyrics below:

Fighter (2002, Album: Stripped)

After all you put me through
You’d think I’d despise you
But in the end I wanna thank you
‘Cause you made that much stronger

Well I thought I knew you
Thinking that you were true
Guess I, I couldn’t trust called your bluff
Time is up, ’cause I’ve had enough

You were there by my side
Always down for the ride
But your joy ride just came down in flames
‘Cause your greed sold me out in shame, mmm hmm

After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that
I hold resentment for you
But uh uh, oh no, you’re wrong

‘Cause if it wasn’t for all
That you tried to do
I wouldn’t know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you

‘Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Never saw it coming
All of your backstabbing
Just so, you could cash in on a good thing
Before I’d realized your game

I heard you’re going ’round
Playin’ the victim now
But don’t even begin feelin’ I’m the one to blame
‘Cause you dug your own grave

After all of the fights and the lies
Guess you’re wanting to harm me
But that won’t work anymore
No more, uh uh, it’s over

‘Cause if it wasn’t for all of your torture
I wouldn’t know how to be this way now
And never back down
So I wanna say thank you

‘Cause it
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

How could this man I thought I knew
Turn out to be unjust so cruel
Could only see the good in you
Pretended not to see the truth

You tried to hide your lies
Disguise yourself through
Living in denial
But in the end you’ll see
You won’t stop me

I am a fighter
(I’m a fighter)
and I
I ain’t gonna stop
(I ain’t gonna stop)
There is no turning back
I’ve had enough

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Thought I would forget
But I, I remember
Yes I remember
I remember

Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter

Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

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Fact Source:  Dictionary.com

Fact Source:  Metro Lyrics

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 30

Oct30

Domestic Violence Information by State

Domestic violence victims need all the support they can get while going through such a rough time. That’s why each state has so many resources available for helping victims of domestic violence get back on their feet. There are many nongovernmental organizations, government agencies, and family organizations that victims can turn to. Below, you’ll find a list of these programs organized by state. You’ll also find links regarding each state’s domestic violence laws and victim resources.

National

Alabama

Alaska

Arizona

Arkansas

California

Colorado

Connecticut

Delaware

District of Columbia

Florida

Georgia

Hawaii

Idaho

Illinois

Indiana

Iowa

Kansas

Kentucky

Louisiana

Maine

Maryland

Massachusetts

Michigan

Minnesota

Mississippi

Missouri

Montana

Nebraska

Nevada

New Hampshire

New Jersey

New Mexico

New York

North Carolina

North Dakota

Ohio

Oklahoma

Oregon

Pennsylvania

Rhode Island

South Carolina

South Dakota

Tennessee

Texas

Utah

Vermont

Virginia

Washington

West Virginia

Wisconsin

Wyoming

If you’re a victim of domestic violence or know someone who is, visit Findlaw’s Get Help with Domestic Violence page. If you want to file a protective order in your state, visit our page on State Forms.

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Fact Source:  FindLaw

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 29

Oct29

Before this month is over, I wanted to pinpoint on what to expect when entering a Women’s Shelter, for myself and for other woman who may one day find themselves on that doorstep.

The shelter I had gone to way back when (Third Time is the Charm), was in a big house that had bunk beds in each room for women and children to share. They had given me a quick rundown of what their protocol was, what would be expected of me and how they’d be helping me to get back on my feet. There was a classroom/playroom set up for the children. Upon entering, I had no idea what to expect. I was scared about leaving, scared that I took my daughter, scared he would find me and scared of starting over. It was so overwhelming. Here I was, 21-22 years old, with my 2 year old in tow – in a shelter for battered women. I was so embarrassed. Horrified. So much so, I was not even there for 24 hours.

The information listed below only pertains to this particular shelter.  I assume they’re all similar in nature but I can’t say for sure.  If anyone reading this has spent time at a women’s shelter, please share your experiences below.  Good and bad.  If you’ve already written about it on your blog, feel free to provide a link.  Any information that can be added to this would be great.

What to expect when entering [our] shelter:

Entering into a shelter can be a scary and confusing time in a survivor’s life; it may even be dangerous. Knowing why the shelter is there and what to expect may help reduce the anxiety a victim feels.

While a shelter serves functionally as a temporary, safe place to stay for a victim to work on regaining independence, it also is a place to connect with other survivors of abuse and advocates who can assist in the journey to independence.

There is always an intake meeting for the victim to fill out necessary paperwork and become familiar with the new surroundings. Afterward, the new shelter resident is shown the room which is assigned to her for the duration of the program. There are responsibilities, since shelter is communal living (such as tidying up after oneself and one’s children, observing a nightly curfew, etc.) which will be explained to the victim at this time.

A shelter resident can expect to share these responsibilities with all residents, since everyone lives and works so closely together. The important thing to remember when preparing to enter into shelter is that the shelter is designed for safety and to provide resources and support to enable the victims to become self-sufficient and empowered.

What to take with you when you leave

  • Driver’s License
  • Birth Certificates
  • Social Security Cards
  • Insurance Cards
  • Clinic Cards
  • Money/Credit Cards
  • Bank Card
  • Bank Book
  • Savings Book
  • Checkbook
  • Your Protective Order (carry this with you at all times)
  • Lease Agreement or Deed to House
  • Car Registration
  • Insurance Papers
  • Health/Life Insurance Papers
  • Medical Records
  • School Records
  • Work Permits/Green Card/Visa
  • Passport
  • Divorce Papers
  • House/Car Keys
  • Medications
  • Address Book

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Fact Source: Metropolitan Center for Women & Children

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 28

Oct28

He Never Hit Me

Warning: This post contains descriptions of intimate partner abuse and may be triggering to some.

How many times did I find myself on his bathroom floor cowering beneath him, feeling the hot spit land on me as he screamed? Stop crying like a baby. You’re crazy. No one else would put up with you. How many times did I shudder on that floor counting my breaths, bringing myself back from the brink of suffocation during a panic attack that was triggered by one of these maniacal and regular assaults? But he never hit me.

How many hours did I remain on that bathroom floor after he had gone to bed, my eyes red with burst blood vessels? How many times did I hear the sound of his snores and realize he had fallen asleep, no more than a meter away, to the sound of me hyperventilating while still in the throes of that panic attack? How many times did I whisper aloud, “How did I get here? How did I become this woman?” How many times did I tell myself to get up, call a cab and walk out the front door? How many times did I get up and look in that mirror and fail to recognize myself? How much hate could I have for the broken woman staring back at me? But he never hit me.

How many times did I crawl into that bed, rather than into a cab, and wake up with his arms around me, telling me that I brought it out in him? He wasn’t like this. I made him like this. I needed to change the way I approached him about these things. Be less accusatory. If I just softened my approach, it would allow him to react differently. How many times did I adjust my approach before I realized the only way to avoid the abuse was not to bring it up at all? But he never hit me.

How many emails and text messages did I find? How many parties did we attend knowing that one of the women was there? I learned quickly not to address it so that “I” wouldn’t ruin a perfectly nice evening. When his family member asked me if a lipstick she had found under the couch was mine, I threw it away and said nothing more of it. Neither did she. Another humiliation taken in silence. But he never hit me.

How many times did he tell me he was going to sleep, out for dinner with a client, couldn’t hear his phone, but actually taking out another woman? How many times did he ignore my calls and call the next morning telling me nothing had happened? It was sadistic. I could see how much he enjoyed being that powerful. How many defamatory lies did he concoct and propagate to my old colleagues and friends when I walked away from him? How many times did he smear my reputation? How many times did I go back, believing every promise that he was a new man, believing every half-hearted apology? But he never hit me.

How many times did a friend pick me up because he had kicked me out of bed in the middle of the night for questioning him about one of the women? How many times did I go back before those friends had had enough. How many times did I defend him and justify his behavior when I told a friend about what he had done? When did I stop telling anyone altogether to avoid the shame of the insanity of the circumstances I was somehow in — the shame of being a strong independent woman who couldn’t take care of herself enough to leave a situation that was so toxic? When did I stop expecting more? But he never hit me.

How could I explain to someone that I believed it was partly my fault, even though I was embarrassed to hear those beaten woman’s words spoken from my lips. No one really understood. No one knew him like I did. It was my job to protect him from the truth of what he did to me. I couldn’t let them think he was a monster. I wouldn’t tell anyone. I was entirely alone. But he never hit me.

My solitude meant that I could no longer see the reflection in other people’s eyes indicating what was normal. I could only see the reflection in his eyes and began to believe what he told me about myself. I began to believe his irrational explanations despite my own heart and eyes. I let him define reality. I became isolated. It became easier to cut off my support networks completely than to have to lie about everything. Than to face the humiliation of my reality. A part of me knew that once they knew the extent of what was happening, they would force me to get out for good. I wouldn’t be able to go back. I knew I would always need to even in the worst of times. But he never hit me.

I set a benchmark. The red line I wouldn’t cross. The minute he hit me, I would leave. But the truth is, I know I wouldn’t have left then either. I would have rationalized that in hitting me, he would realize how out of hand things were. Everything would change now. I wouldn’t have left. By hurting me, he showed me he loved me. He cared enough to go that crazy. He cared so much that he was overwhelmed by anger or jealousy or sadness and simply couldn’t control himself.

When it was over, I wasn’t permitted to mourn him. No one could understand how love, hate, fear and comfort could coexist simultaneously. They could not understand that in addition to my abuser, I also lost my confidant, the person to make dinner with, the person to watch movies with on a rainy Sunday, the person to laugh with, the person who knew me. I lost my companion. How can you explain to someone that the abuse was only a part of who he was? How do you explain that to yourself?

There are still days when I remember tender moments and wonder if it really was that bad. I still struggle with reconciling how he could love me to the point of tears and yet hurt me as if I was an enemy. Like a child, I’m learning to redefine the borders of normal behavior and to realign my expectations. I remind myself that acts of violence can never be acts of love.

For the first time, I see my own reflection in other women who have emerged from the depths of such darkness. Indescribably courageous women whom I have never met, but who have shared their stories and in doing so, saved me. These women embraced me with their pain and unknowingly convinced me that I was not alone, that I am worthy of more. I hadn’t believed that singular truth in a very long time.

Knowing that others were there has allowed the shame to dissipate. I used to default to the trained belief that I was crazy, overly sensitive or had imagined it all because I could not reconcile the love and the abuse. I have permitted myself to accept that both existed. Their stories have allowed me to forgive myself. To recognize how arbitrary that red line was. Seeing myself in their eyes has allowed me to name my abuser. To name my experience as an abused woman. And then to let go.

I pray now that my words will travel to the broken woman staring back at them and embrace her. I hope they equip her with the strength and love she needs to raise herself from the depths.

Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for the National Domestic Violence Hotline or visit the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline operated byRAINN. For more resources, visit the National Sexual Violence Resource Center’s website.

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What is Emotional/Verbal Abuse?

Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking.

There are many behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse:

  • Calling you names and putting you down.
  • Yelling and screaming at you.
  • Intentionally embarrassing you in public.
  • Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family.
  • Telling you what to do and wear.
  • Using online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate or humiliate you.
  • Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
  • Stalking you.
  • Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.
  • Threatening to harm you, your pet or people you care about.
  • Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
  • Threatening to expose your secrets such as your sexual orientation or immigration status.
  • Starting rumors about you.
  • Threatening to have your children taken away.

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Article Source: Huffington Post

Follow the author on Twitter @reutamit

Fact Source: Love Is Respect

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 27

Oct27

Men and women NEED to watch this video.  It exposes the vocabulary that is used to help “nurture” boys into manhood.  Whether it comes from parents, siblings, other relatives, friends, teachers, mentors or coaches – it’s just wrong.

These types of phrases can and will alter their behavior pattern and eventually have a direct result on their interactions with each other, society and potentially…their girlfriend/wife – women in general.  Not only can the choice of words used have an effect on their social skills but it can also determine their own mental health and contribute to suicidal/homicidal contemplation.

Please take three minutes of your time and watch this video.  You do not have to have a son nor do you even need to have interaction with children to understand this problem.  Let’s change the way we speak to our boys.  We are molding them into the men they will eventually become.

This alone may be the very core to ending Domestic Violence.

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Fact Source:  The Representation Project
Or follow on Twitter: @TheRepProject

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 26

Oct26

The isolation may seem benign at first: An abuser may make snide remarks about her family, trying to distance her from them, but then say he was only joking. The isolation escalates when he suggests or insists that she work from home, or not at all. She loses contact with her co-workers. He may initiate arguments about her choice of religion; no faith pleases him, and he refuses to let her worship at church without him. She becomes completely dependent on him for a world view. His perspective infiltrates her perspective until her opinion of herself is diminished to reflect only his opinion; his reality becomes her reality. He lets her know she is useless, helpless, worthless, and nothing without him. She loses her self to him, her insight, intuition, and instinct vanishes. He owns her. Soon, the victim is asking, “Who am I? How did this happen?”

These are just a few of the signs of isolation to be wary of:

  • She rarely goes out without her partner
  • He unilaterally controls every aspect of a date
  • She is restricted from seeing family and friends
  • He controls who they see, when, where, and for how long

Show support for someone you suspect might be manipulated into isolation by an abuser. No amount of false romance is worth losing the authentic self. Maintain support systems in church, with friends, groups, and activities. They may save your life!

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Fact Source:  Beyond the Tears

Fact Source:  Beauty Cares

Follow them on Twitter and YouTube

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 24

Oct24

Battered Woman Syndrome:

The repeated episodes of physical assault on a woman by the person with whom she lives or with whom she has a relationship, often resulting in serious physical and psychological damage to the woman.

Such violence tends to follow a predictable pattern. The violent episodes usually follow verbal argument and accusation and are accompanied by verbal abuse. Almost any subject -housekeeping, money, child rearing- may begin the episode. Over time, the violent episodes escalate in frequency and severity.

Most battered women report that they thought that the assaults would stop; unfortunately, studies show that the longer the women stay in the relationship the more likely they are to be seriously injured. Less and less provocation seems to be enough to trigger an attack once the syndrome has begun. The use of alcohol may increase the severity of the assault. The man is more likely to be abusive as the alcohol wears off.

Battering occurs in cycles of violence. In the firstphase the man acts increasingly irritable, edgy, and tense. Verbal abuse, insults, and criticism increase, andshoves or slaps begin. The second phase is the time of the acute, violent activity. As the tension mounts, the woman becomes unable to placate the man, and she may argue or defend herself. The man uses this as the justification for his anger and assaults her, often saying that he is “teaching her a lesson.” The third stage is characterized by apology and remorse on the part of the man, with promises of change. The calm continues until tension builds again.

Caring for and counseling a battered woman often require great patience because she is usually ambivalent about her situation and may be confused to the point of believing that she deserves the assaults she has suffered.

How Do You Heal From Battered Wife Syndrome?

Keep in mind that all of these ideas might not apply to you or your situation–you decide what fits best for you.

First priority is your physical safety and the physical safety of your children, if there are children involved. Child Protective Services and Family Services agencies in your area will be able to give you contact information for shelters where you can go and be safe from the abuser in your life. If you don’t value yourself enough to seek protection, then at least do it for your children.

Next you need to think about breaking the cycle of abuse. The components of the cycle, as you can see in the image, are unmet needs, anxiety, seeking love, finding relief, pleasing and appeasing, control and abuse, anger and fear, reconciliation and “back to normal.”

You break the cycle by taking responsibility for your safety (and your children’s safety if they’re part of it), rather than worrying about whether “he will get better” or focusing on the fact that you love him.

You break the cycle by respecting yourself enough to only maintain relationships in which you are treated with care and respect. You begin to recognize that you are a good person and you are worthy of respect in your relationships.

One of the best ways out of the battered wife syndrome is with healthy anger.  Anger is a protective emotion, and you need to have some healthy anger if you and/or your children are being abused. You are your own best anger management resource.

If you don’t take care of yourself, no one else can! In other words, you have to take the first steps, to reach out for help, then there will be others to help you.

If you just stay in the cycle, the abuse will only get worse, and could even become fatal.

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Fact Source: Anger Management Source

Fact Source: Medical Dictionary

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 23

Oct23

joyfulheart

While watching the news this morning, I was so excited to learn that the NFL would be participating in the new NOMORE Public Service Announcement.  It quickly took me back to when I first heard the original PSA which included numerous actors.  When I first saw it, it gave me the chills.  It was because they were talking about Domestic Violence – out loud.  Actors I knew from television.  Taking a stand. Talking about it like it was normal conversation.  I couldn’t wait to see it regularly on television – imagining it would become a staple like the smoking PSA commercials that show what tobacco does to our bodies.

It never became a regularly aired commercial – that I am aware of.  In fact, I have probably not seen it more than once.  Unless it airs during all of the SVU-type shows (which I don’t like watching because most of them can have some sort of trigger effect).  Here is the original version – which still gives me chills.

No More Anthem:

After the Ray Rice incident, as well as several other NFL (and now NHL) players who were reprimanded for Domestic Violence incidents, there was talk of having NFL players participate in a new version of the PSA.  Who knew it was really going to happen?  This new version will air during tonight’s Thursday Night Football and hopefully it continues through the football season, and beyond.

NFL Version:

Continuing on for a moment about the NFL and this “new” spotlight on players who are participants in Domestic Violence incidents – not so much new to the sport just finally getting caught.  Soon after the Ray Rice video was leaked, James Brown made a comment after one of the games and when I watched it, I immediately tweeted him saying, thank you.  I don’t think it was prompted by the network.  I believe it was something that came from his heart.  It was a classy thing to do and his words meant a lot.

What is NO MORE?

NO MORE is a new unifying symbol designed to galvanize greater awareness and action to end domestic violence and sexual assault.  Supported by major organizations working to address these urgent issues, NO MORE is gaining support with Americans nationwide, sparking new conversations about these problems and moving this cause higher on the public agenda.

The history of NO MORE

The NO MORE symbol has been in the making since 2009. It was developed because despite the significant progress that has been made in the visibility of domestic violence and sexual assault, these problems affecting millions remain hidden and on the margins of public concern. Hundreds of representatives from the domestic violence and sexual assault prevention field came together and agreed that a new, overarching symbol, uniting all people working to end these problems, could have a dramatic impact on the public’s awareness.

The signature blue vanishing point originated from the concept of a zero – as in zero incidences of domestic violence and sexual assault. It was inspired by Christine Mau, a survivor of domestic violence and sexual abuse who is now the Director of European Design at Kimberly-Clark. The symbol was designed by Sterling Brands, and focus group tested with diverse audiences across the country who agreed that the symbol was memorable, needed and important.

NO MORE calls on all of us together to end the silence and speak out against the violence experienced by people of all genders, races and ethnicities, and age groups.

Who is behind NO MORE?

Every major domestic violence and sexual assault organization in the U.S. – from men’s organizations like A CALL TO MEN and Men Can Stop Rape, to the National Domestic Violence Hotline and the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence, to groups that help teens like Break the Cycle and Futures Without Violence, to organizations that advance the rights of women of Color and immigrants like Casa de Esperanza and SCESA to the U.S. Dept. of Justice’s Office on Violence Against Women – all of them and more are behind NO MORE.

View the complete list of organizations here.

What do we do?

NO MORE is spotlighting an invisible problem in a whole new way. The first unifying symbol to express support for ending domestic violence and sexual assault, NO MORE can be used by anyone who wants to normalize the conversation around these issues and help end domestic violence and sexual assault. Our vision is that NO MORE will be everywhere – on websites, t-shirts, billboards. Organizations and corporations, large and small, will embrace this symbol as their own. When an abuse case makes media headlines, you will instantly see NO MORE being tweeted, discussed on Facebook, worn as jewelry and on t-shirts; made into buttons and posted in classrooms, offices, billboards and grocery stores across the country. NO MORE will help end the stigma, shame and silence of domestic violence and sexual assault. NO MORE will help increase funding to prevent domestic violence and sexual assault.  Like the pink ribbon did for breast cancer and the red ribbon did for HIV/AIDS, NO MORE will help to change behaviors that lead to this violence.

Get the symbol today and start showing your support.

Why should I care?

The next time you’re in a room with 6 people, think about this:

  • 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience violence from their partners in their lifetimes.
  • 1 in 3 teens experience sexual or physical abuse or threats from a boyfriend or girlfriend in one year.
  • 1 in 5 women are survivors of rape.
  • 1 in 2 women and 1 in 5 men have experienced some form of sexual victimization in their lives.
  • 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men were sexually abused before the age of 18.

These are not numbers. They’re our mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, children, co-workers and friends. They’re the person you confide in most at work, the guy you play basketball with, the people in your book club, your poker buddy, your teenager’s best friend – or your teen, herself. The silence and shame must end for good.

How can I help?

There are hundreds of ways you can spread the word about NO MORE.

Say it: Learn about these issues and talk openly about them. Break the silence. Speak out. Seek help when you see this problem or harassment of any kind in your family, your community, your workplace or school. Upload your photo to the NO MORE gallery and tell us why you say NO MORE.

Share it: Help raise awareness about domestic violence and sexual assault by sharing NO MORE. Share the PSAs. Download the Tools to Say NO MORE and share NO MORE with everyone you know. Facebook it. Tweet it. Instagram it. Pin it.

Show it: Show NO MORE by wearing your NO MORE gear everyday, supporting partner groupsworking to end domestic violence and sexual assault and volunteering in your community.

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Fact Source: NoMore.org

Fact Source: Joyful Heart Foundation

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.

31 Facts in 31 Days – Day 22

Oct22

sexabuse

The chart above is one of the few I found that listed the youngest age of sexually assaulted children.  I couldn’t find anything younger than six, probably because children younger than that really don’t understand what is happening to them and so they don’t know that anything is wrong or that they should be telling someone what is going on.  Therefore, those cases go unreported.

Speaking for myself, I was about 4 or 5 when my grandfather decided to touch me.  I wrote about the situation less than two months after starting this blog, when I was asked to write a guest post on the blog Deliberate Donkey.  So I wrote about The Aftermath of Abuse.  It not only discussed the situation between my grandfather and I, but also on the physical abuse by my father and husband, and how it all ties into a neat little “textbook” bow.

This topic has come to the surface for me again over the last couple of weeks and I’m not sure why.  Maybe it is so I can discuss it again, here, once and for all and be done with it.

I don’t think it was something I really dwelled on.  I had a good relationship with my grandfather growing up, and although I always remember knowing it happened, I must have, at some point, suppressed it.  It would make sense wouldn’t it?  Otherwise how would I be able to get along with my grandfather?

Even now, I don’t really have any sort of hate towards him over it.  I’m not sure I ever did.  Maybe because it only happened a few times or maybe because there was no real physical sexual assault.  To add to it, I didn’t know it was wrong.  I didn’t know to tell my parents.  Back then we didn’t have conversations like today when we continuously remind our children that no one should touch their “private parts” and if anyone tried or asked them to touch theirs to tell us immediately. I think it was just a non-existent discussion in the 1970’s since everyone was just so trusting and carefree back then.  Maybe because my parents were young themselves they didn’t know to have that type of conversation with a young child.  Who knows.

Thankfully, discussions have changed since then.  However, sadly, cases of childhood sexual abuse have not stopped.

Statistics on Sexual Abuse

Sexual abuse can occur in or out of the home, and perpetrators can include parents, caregivers, other adults, or other children or youth.

In the United States, approximately 1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of every 6 boys is sexually abused.

Approximately 60% of sexual abusers are known to the child but are not family members, such as family friends, babysitters, or neighbors.

Approximately 30% of sexual abusers are family members, such as fathers, mothers, brothers, uncles, or cousins.

Child sex abuse includes body contact, such as kissing and oral, anal, or vaginal sex. Sex abuse can also include “flashing” or showing private parts, forcing children to watch pornography, voyeurism (trying to look at a child’s naked body), pressuring children for sex, having sex in front of children, and exploiting children for pornography or prostitution.

Child abusers often do not use physical force but instead “groom” or use manipulative tactics, such as buying gifts, arranging special activities, exposing children to pornography, and roughhousing to keep a child engaged with and often confused about the abuser’s motives.

Behavioral changes are often the first signs of sexual abuse. These can include nervous or aggressive behavior toward adults, early and age-inappropriate sexual provocativeness, alcohol consumption and the use of other drugs. Boys are more likely than girls to act out or behave in aggressive and antisocial ways.

The consequences of child sexual abuse are wide-ranging and varied. They can include:

  • chronic depression
  • low self-esteem
  • sexual dysfunction
  • multiple personalities

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Fact Source: Random History

Fact Source: Women’s Issues

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To read from the beginning… #MyStory starts here.