Fork in the Road

As I was saying, Guy #2 and I had dated for a year and a half.  We were very happy and very much in love.  We discussed future plans once I turned 18 and it didn’t look like there was anything that would come in the way of our happiness.  Except Guy #1.

One day, I’m at work and Guy #1 shows up and surprises me.  Out of nowhere.  Remember, hadn’t seen or heard from him in a year and a half.  So as a typical 17 year old would, I got all giddy and excited.  Especially since when I was kind of pursuing him he wasn’t really letting on that he liked me all that much.  Now he was back and he came looking for me.

He waited until I got out of work and walked me home.  I was excited but at the same time apprehensive because, after all, I had a boyfriend and was happy and in love.  Last thing I wanted was to be seen with Guy #1 and have people run and tell my boyfriend.  As we were walking, he was making his plea to me.  How he had gotten into trouble and went to live with his grandmother.  But now that he is back and has some perspective he wants to get back on the right track and wants me to be his girl.

Let me just say at 17 years old…all of us (speaking for the ladies) are fragile and want someone that likes us and wants to be with us.  Now I have the love of my life counting down the days until I’m 18 so that we can live happily ever after .. and here comes the guy I was crushing on looking for me telling me I’m the one for him.  WHAT???!!!

Who the hell can handle this?  Of course, that’s what my brain says as an adult.  It took me a long time to understand that I was thinking with a child’s mind and it’s no wonder I chose the way I did.  But back then…what a rush.  I was wanted.  By two men.  Who both said they loved me.  Now I had to decide – or did I?

I didn’t jump into a decision ( I thought about it all week).  I was really contemplating this.  Why was there a decision to be made anyway?  If I was happy where I was then why stray?  I guess to fulfill some teenage hormonal crush induced imaginary love.  If I stayed with my boyfriend would I always wonder if I made the right decision?  If I broke up with him I am going to crush him. After all, I have no valid reason.  There is nothing wrong in our relationship.  He always feared that Guy #1 would come back and split us up and no matter how many times I talked him out of that (because I didn’t believe it was true) here it was…happening.  My chest hurt and I was so sad knowing the pain I was going to cause.  At the same time, if I stayed I was scared I may be unfaithful.  I didn’t want that to be the case.  Just in writing this I can vividly recall the turmoil I was in.  What should I do?

Long story short…as you may have already realized, I broke up with Guy #2 and started dating Guy #1.  Somehow, even at the tender age of 17, I already knew this decision was going to shape the rest of my life.  Good or bad is what remained to be seen.

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5 thoughts on “Fork in the Road

    • Thank you. I have only come to understand that so many of us go through all of these similar situations in abusive relationships yet at the time – when it’s happening – we think we’re all alone.

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      • You are so right. We feel all alone, but we never are. As I look back at all of my life, I realize that so many are suffering the same abuses and we cnl all comfort each other. I also know that as I look back, I can see where can has helped me when I did not even realize it at the time. He is always with us and does protect us. God bless you!!

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      • 🙂 It’s true. I often wondered over the years when and how it would all end or if it ever would. As I got older, I knew there was a bigger reason for me to have gone through what I have. I’ve probably never felt more of a sense of that until I started to tell my story. Now I can see clearly this was my journey – my test – so that I can speak up and hopefully help someone else. Have a blessed weekend. Hugs.

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      • Amen!! God uses all that we have been through to help others. 2 Corinthians1:3-4,
        “All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.” He is using you. God bless you!

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